Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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