my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
