I met the friendliest cop last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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