There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
