Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
