Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
