I could make wine with my vomit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
