his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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