my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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