When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Less talking, more tequila
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
