I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
