About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
