So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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