I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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