Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i will never coherently bang her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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