well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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