just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Duck Duck Cougar?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
