Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's even glitter on my cock...
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