Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
