If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
