I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
