you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
