nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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