Where is the hickey?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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