I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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