i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize