Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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