I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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