Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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