I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
