Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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