I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
