I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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