Quick, to the slutcave!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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