let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
