Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
