I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Send help, water and tortillas.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
