weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
