oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
