i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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