My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I AM VODKA MAN
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
