Where is the hickey?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
