You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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