I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
