this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
