I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
