This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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