i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Shame - the story of my life.
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