it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
