I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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