dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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