I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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