after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
