So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
