I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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