But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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