And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
